SouthEast LeatherFest (SELF) 2016 was an incredible ride! The energy in the common areas, classes, contest pieces, and evening gala was super charged with sexuality and playfulness. One of my fondest memories from the weekend was sitting down to rest my feet one afternoon in the common area outside the ballroom. I was preparing to go watch the Littles Pageant and chilling out on a couch beside the huge pile of donations for flood victims in the community. As I sat there human ponies giving cart rides trotted passed me with lively smiles and neighs. Beautiful fierce looking femmes sauntered by in one direction followed by handsome butches waltzing confidently by in the other direction. A Dom was teaching her mentee how to hold a leash while a submissive bounced off to fetch coffee for her Top. People watching in that space was one of those surreal and beautiful moments one can only have at SELF.

August 25–28, 2016 I had the distinct pleasure of attending SELF and serving as handler for Master Bella and slave Rooks who were competing for the South East Master and slave titles. Watching the well-oiled machine of stage management for the evening’s events was awe inspiring. The emcee Daryl Flick is unendingly charismatic and his lightening quick wit kept the audience laughing and engaged as the titles were earned. The winners this year included: Ms. SouthEast LeatherFest 2016 Tig; SouthEast Bootblack 2016 Ms Tori Jones; SouthEast Person of Leather 2016 ABizzy, and SouthEast Master/slave 2016 Master Bella and slave rooks.

You won’t want to miss the 2017 version of SELF coming up June 22–25, 2017 in Atlanta, Georgia. SELF describes itself as, “the home where all people — kinksters and leather people, primals and littles, puppies and Masters, and LGBTQQIA2S — gather to celebrate our lives as sex positive individuals.” There will be over 50 classes, 2 nights of contests, parties, meetups, socials, and dungeons. Check out full details at the event website www.seleatherfest.com. Hope to see you there!

SouthEast LeatherFest: Mixing it Up in 2017 was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Loren Berthelsen

Yesterday, a post blew up on Facebook related to an opinion piece that we published on Leatherati almost 7 years ago titled, An IML Dissenter. The author — Stephen Lane, the founder and owner of Ox Balls — vented his anger that a transman had won IML. The tone and the language of the article were hateful and hurtful in the extreme. The reaction from the trans community in particular and the leather/kink community in general was immediate and condemning. Understandably and justifiably so.

As Editor and Chief, I debated long and hard before giving his opinion a voice on Leatherati. In the end I decided that people needed to know where a well-known purveyor of sex toys stood on the issue of transmen in our community.

The article has surfaced repeatedly over the years accompanied each time by a new wave of anger directed at the author and his viewpoints. Justifiably in my opinion.

Yesterday Stephen Lane apologized in a comment on the latest Facebook post to resurrect the anti-trans article. The apology was also posted on the Great Lakes Den. Some have accepted his apology as heartfelt and some are skeptical. I’m of the opinion that apologies are fine but actions will speak louder than words. You can read the apology here on the Den and decide for yourself which camp you fall into.

One thing struck me in particular concerning the most recent resurfacing of the article. While we need to vigilantly expose and fight against hateful ideas and actions in our various communities we also need to balance the cost to the very people we’re rallying to help. The IML who bore the brunt of the hate article, posted yesterday that Stephen had apologized and that he had accepted the apology. He went on to say that every time this story rears its ugly head it just makes him relive the pain all over again.

That’s when the realization slammed home that none of this is about Stephen. It’s about the people it hurts directly — the trans men and women who face this shit every single damn day.

That’s why I believe it’s time to accept the apology, put this behind us and direct the dialogue away from hate and divisiveness and towards celebrating who we all are as individuals and as a community. Our actions also speak louder than words.

Putting It Behind Us — An IML Dissenter was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Cleo Dubois

A Slave, A Leatherman, A Fetishist/Slut, A French Maid and A Witness

A Slave, A Leatherman, A Fetishist/Slut, A French Maid and A Witness was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Leland Carina

Interview with Cleo Dubois was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Portland, Oregon: KinkFest 2017

For anyone who hasn’t had the pleasure of attending, let me give you an overview of KinkFest. It includes three days of classes, a huge vendor fair, and over twenty hours of open dungeon. It is held at the Portland Expo Center and organized by the Portland Leather Alliance (PLA.) One of the things I’ve always loved about this event is PLA’s deep commitment to education. This year attendees had over fifty classes to choose from.

Friday and Saturday night were both hopping in the dungeon. This isn’t just a small corner of the space either, we’re talking 36,000 square feet of well-equipped play space! Kinkfest has always maintained very clear demarcation of each individual space within the whole, which makes it very simple to make sure not to intrude in someone else’s scene. Highlights included pony cart rides weaving in and out of the aisles, a very tall man in high platform shoes walking a “doll” on marionette strings, and a huge amount of space for rope suspension work (all of which was in very high demand and well utilized.)

I hadn’t been to Kinkfest in a few years; I was pleasantly surprised by the increased size of the vendor mart. There were over 40 vendors in all. While there, I ran across something that was an entirely new concept for me: ceramic insertables! I couldn’t help but think that seemed very adorably Portland. You can see them for yourself at the Big Rooster Pottery web site. Of course, the usual suspects were there as well, the Frugal Domme, Wian Floggers, InHerTube, Paddle Daddy, and BunnyFlogger.com to name a few. I admired the leather gear offered by House of Wolfram, a relatively new producer with flawless offerings. (He even offered to pair silver hardware with burgundy leather since I cannot bear gold.) The folks at Miss Haley’s Bombshell Boutique were super sweet. Miss Haley chatted with me about her love of luxurious texture, while her fetching male helpers fluttered around assisting customers.

New to KinkFest this year was the Queer Infusion created by local Queer organizations. About 40 Queer identified folks gathered in the lobby at 8pm Saturday night. Participants were invited to How Queer!, the Queer Munch, and Dirty Playground — all local Queer events. After that, we headed into the dungeon together and participated in a consent-based game of Spin the Bottle.

Following is a tour of some of the classes I attended. (Please note that quotes are not direct, they are paraphrased.)

Patrick Califia’s Politics of BDSM

Califia provided historical context to our community’s history of resistance in the face of oppression. This was not just a chronological list of events, but included his personal memories of deep involvement in early organizing and activism. Of course, it felt especially poignant with the concern and horror so many of us are experiencing in our current political climate.

What I appreciated most, was his forward thinking list of projects representing ongoing issues that we should be working on today; he offered this as a way to level up after teaching classes and general organizing. Possible subjects include: removing BDSM from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM,) updating obscenity laws, zoning laws, laws around sex work, censorship, media (both co-opting our community and depicting us unfairly,) assault laws, creditors and paypal, unwritten employment “morality” clauses, and education for medical care providers. Issues to work on within our community include domestic violence, classism, racism, and sexism.

When I first sat down in the classroom I was a sole participant, when I left I felt reconnected to a greater purpose: activism in the name of sexual freedom. From my perspective he successfully enlightened and emboldened his audience, all while building our sense of connection and responsibility. His class created the perfect lens from which to view the entire weekend.

Audience member Angie Gunn, Board Chair of SPEEC, had this to add, “He speaks from an intergenerational perspective, capturing the history of oppression and activism, while calling attention to the most pressing matters facing anyone outside the sexual norm. Patrick inspires hope that we can combat the in-fighting amongst sexual minorities, collaborate and create change to legitimize all forms of sexual expression. As he stated, he was one of ‘three crazy people with an idea and a selectric,’ and made monumental change.”

Noble Manque’s Tying For Connection

Upon entering Manque’s class, I scuttled quickly to a chair in the back of the room. About half of the audience was arranged up front, paired off, trying out rope techniques as he spoke. The other half were sitting on chairs, watching and listening. One of Manque’s strongest points, reiterated quite often, was, “it’s not about the rope!” It was quite plain, even from my vantage point at the very back of the room, that he had a strong, caring connection with the women who were bottoming for his class.

Manque covered the use of particular pressure points, both for release and giving endorphins, and quite a number of rope ties that would emphasize vulnerability and helplessness for the rope bottom. He spoke about giving his bottoms a good dose of dopamine about every ten minutes, so that they maintain a base level and are able to enjoy the scene longer.

He mentioned that if a bottom is, “puddling,” you have a choice about whether to let them enjoy it or do something to bring them back. An audience member asked him to define, “puddling.” Manque defined it as the state where there is just one way communication, an absence of fear, where the bottom is totally high and gone. If they are puddling, they have gone white, are in the zone, and the noise in their head goes away. Most of all, he said, as a top you should also enjoy this space because you have successfully created it for them.

He warned, “rope is like roofies. This is why you need to get your negotiating done beforehand. She’d do anything I asked of her right now.” Looking down at his bottom, his statement was not at all hard to believe, as a goofy smile spread across her face.

One attendee, Yvonne, noted, “This class was one of my very favorite of the weekend. Specifically about being intentional about the emotional and the physical connections you make while tying your bottom and being strong and sensual while staying present. I’m currently learning to be a rope top. I identify as a queer, female, (not so hopeless) romantic — his style resonates with me.”

Kalisti’s The Fine Points of Objectification

Have you ever wanted to be a chair? A table? Some other inanimate object of little worth? Or maybe you wanted to have a human bath mat? Kalisti addressed all of these points in her Objectification class.

Most impressive to me, was how flawlessly she flowed from addressing able-bodied versions of this play to offering ways to accommodate a wide range of differently-abled bodies. She included instruction should the person you are objectifying have bad knees, a bad back, fibromyalgia, arthritis, and a number of other examples. Her inclusion and normalization of such considerate play was extremely moving.

She offered clarification on the difference between humiliation and degradation. To her, degradation is much deeper and gets to the core of her interest in objectification. When she is objectifying someone, she is making sure that they know they have no worth beyond their object value, all with consent, of course! One particular tip was to make dollar store price labels to emphasize the ease with which a person/object could be replaced.

She created a fun, dynamic energy in the classroom and had very enthusiastic volunteers from the audience to become quite an array of furniture and objects.

An attendee who wishes to remain anonymous mentioned to me, “this isn’t at all what I was expecting, but I like it!”

Danorama and Knotasha’s Authentic Interrogation for BDSM

This class was super packed, I wouldn’t have gotten in at all if a KinkFest volunteer hadn’t taken pity on me standing outside, staring at the “full classroom,” sign.

Danorama held the audience’s attention rapt. Just being present in the room felt like we were all privy to a sort of dangerous conspiracy. His slide presentation mixed imagery from actual government torture, historic video footage of prisoners of war, and BDSM play scenes.

We learned about the Reid Interrogation technique, which is no longer used by police. Despite being very successful in producing confessions, it turns out that the confessions garnered are often false. (Not an issue for BDSM play!) For this technique the questioner will walk into the room with a file folder and start with an accusation. They might say something like, “the evidence in this folder proves that you stole the jewel.” If the person being questioned returns a question, “it does?” that is one possible sign of guilt. Most innocent people would say something like, “no, it doesn’t!”

After capture, leaving people alone in a blank room and completely isolated from the rest of the world is a very effective way to build tension. He explained that after such a pause, of say 15 minutes, there is a great utility to asking leading, open-ended questions, such as, “why were you sent to me?” Basically, your goal as an interrogator is to make your attention, during the actual questioning time, a social reward for your captive. Show them empathy when they are acting as you’d like them to. Control your own anger, only use anger as a false display for effect. Over time, you want to sway their perception of personal risk versus reward for compliance.

Another useful tip: if you arrange the person that you are questioning in a way that causes their body to experience pain passively, such as forcing them to maintain a squat, they are psychologically less likely to blame you for the pain they endure. This is also true if you have prisoners act out violence on one another, rather than administering it yourself.

Amory Jane’s Back that Ass Up: Anal Sex 101

“Don’t let your eyes be bigger than your anus,” was the wise warning kicking off this class. With anal play, the key to success is in starting slow and letting your ass expand slowly. For hygiene, lubricant is quite important for less tears and micro-cuts, plus it feels quite a bit better. For safety, always play with toys that have a retrieval loop or a flared base, otherwise you might lose your toy inside your butt with no way to get it back. Jane joked, “the anus is very helpful, what a good buddy!” She also mentioned, “I hope everyone has a friend that would help you get something out of your butt.” She had the audience laughing throughout her presentation.

A few more safety tips included not going from ass to mouth or from ass to vagina. Both of these could cause infection. When you see it in porn, it’s often an editing trick. For safer sex there are condoms, finger cots, and gloves to help. If you have long nails a cotton ball in the tips of the fingers can make things safer and more comfortable.

Jane listed some fun, “asstivities,” including, anal massage, finger techniques, and then had a live demo. She mentioned that her demo bottom has a very “hungry ass.” This was evidenced by the bottom leaning into her whenever she got near their anus with a finger or toy.

I really enjoyed her finger technique of, “ring the doorbell,” which was exactly what it sounds like. She related that it’s a good way to test the receptiveness of the anus before diving in. She also showed us how to pair anal penetration with spanking, describing how she could feel the reverberations of the spank from inside her demo bottom’s anus.

Fakir Musafar’s What Am I? Unlocking Your Hidden Powers

Fakir Musafar is well-known for putting needles into skin, often as part of ritual play. He started the class by letting us know that needles are just one way of changing the relationship between our physical and energetic bodies. It can also be done with meditation, yoga, and more. We are not just body and mind, he continued, but much bigger. It is possible to separate our electromagnetic bodies from our physical bodies.

Musafar told us a fascinating story about his first out of body experience. He was just 17 and had been reading a lot about the subject. One weekend when his parents went out of town, he got a chance to try it. He set up a physical ordeal, prepared by fasting, then danced himself to near exhaustion, and finally attached himself to a cold wall in the basement of his family’s home. He waited hours for, “something to happen.” Eventually it did. He lost all feeling, paralysis moved up from his feet to his head. He felt prepared to die. When the paralysis reached his forehead, he ejected from his body and felt as though he was floating in warm, sticky goo. He eventually gained the ability to see with a sort of fuzzy vision and went exploring until dawn. He doesn’t remember how he got himself off the wall, but eventually woke up on the floor in a pile of ropes.

Musafar emphasized that whatever your attention is on, is where you are. What your attention is on, is what you become.

Stella Harris’ From the Dungeon to the Bedroom: Asking for What You Want

Stella Harris is an intimacy coach and educator, this class brought a lot of wonderful tips to the audience for having conversations about what we want in sex or play.

There are quite a number of reasons that people might have trouble communicating on this topic. One she sees often, is simply that people want to be polite. This can manifest as an issue even if two people are very compatible.

For example, imagine a scenario where one person in a relationship strongly prefers giving oral sex, whereas the other person prefers receiving. The person who enjoys receiving more might not ask for it as often as they’d like, or might even say, “no,” to be polite when they aren’t in the mood to reciprocate. However, in this scenario the one who enjoys giving would be entirely pleased just to be able to give.

Harris pointed out the power of the word, “try.” This word gives us space to learn. Instead of having a big end goal, what if we approached sexual contact as something we’re trying out together? We can make it playful, experimental, and time limited. She emphasized that this takes away some of the pressure. Instead of setting up a new activity in a way that might fail, participants can instead revel in the success of any part of it. Maybe you won’t get the whole fist inside you tonight, but getting three fingers in can be a win too.

How do you ask for feedback during sex or play? Harris suggested moving past simple, “yes/no” questions, and instead gathering more information. Examples of this would be giving a choice between two alternatives, “would you like this harder or softer?” By asking the question in this way, you are giving the other person permission to choose one. They could still choose to say, “I like it exactly how you are doing it,” but their anxiety about giving constructive feedback should be lessened by the structure. Other good questions are, “what would make this better?” or “on a scale of 1 to 10, how close are you to where you would like to go?”

Make sure when you are asking for feedback that you are keeping in mind the difference between a request and a demand. The difference is that with a demand, “no” is not an acceptable answer. With a request, it is.

One quite enjoyable exercise she lead us through was thinking of something from pop culture that was hot for us and distilling it down to its component parts in order to be able to experience something like it in real life. Examples: power dynamics in the Labyrinth, the “helping hands,” in the Labyrinth, Phantom of the Opera, and G.I. Joe. With each example she drew a diagram on the board and the audience helped by yelling out what was hot about it.

The last bit of advice she left us with was using a “yes/no/maybe” list to start a negotiation. She mentioned that it could be helpful to get more information about why certain things were on the “no” list. Often, she related, people have different ideas of what a particular activity looks like. With more conversation, you might find more common ground than you think.

One audience member that wished to remain anonymous said, “I found Stella’s class to be super empowering! It made me re-think a lot of the movies and tv shows I loved as a kid. I think I’m going to ask my Dominant if we can try a Fraggle Rock fantasy!”

***

KinkFest was a fantastic weekend extravaganza.

I was grateful that my experience this year was opened by Patrick Califia’s class, which reminded me that any of level of involvement in our community is inherently radical.

I’ll leave you with a poignant quote of his, “activism isn’t always about winning. It’s about creating a record of opposition.”

Portland, Oregon: KinkFest 2017 was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Master Bella and slave rooks
all photos by slave rooks

COLUMBUS, OHIO

This past February the Midwest Olympus Leather weekend took place offering a great mix of entertainment and leather. With also a full Saturday of workshops held at The Columbus Space, attendees found a diverse range of educational opportunities to choose from.

Despite the nagging rain, attendees turned out in droves packing The Highball Tavern for Saturday night’s festivities. Wiggling our way to a free space, Master and I were treated to the on-stage portion of the event. We watched fantasy scenes, contest speeches, and lively drag performances. The fun-filled night was concluded with announcing the new title holders. Sir Steel representing Mr. Midwest Olympus Leather 2017 and Angie representing Ms. Midwest Olympus Leather 2017.

We had the opportunity to catch up with Sir Steel and the event’s producer boy John for a few questions.

Leatherati: Congratulations, Sir Steel. Would you please share with us some of your journey into leather community?

Sir Steel: I had gotten my start in the leather community back in the early 2000’s a little while after I first moved to Columbus. I used to frequent most of the bars in town, but for the most part felt kind of out of place due to “not fitting in” at the time. I didn’t identify as gay, and back then the bars were not as inclusive as they are now. I was always kind of on the fringe. I developed a number of close friends whom I learned a great deal from. It was not until I moved up into Michigan for a time that I really started to delve deeper into the lifestyle. I had met a lot of friends who really taught me most of the things I know about kink culture and the leather lifestyle. From bars, to private play parties, and just generally getting to expand my social network really helped. I moved back into Columbus some years ago and was glad to see the scene growing and diversifying. It wasn’t until several years ago that a close friend introduced me to the members of the local leather clubs out here that I had finally found a home and family. I’ve since become more active within the community, helping to run and organize events and helping out newbies but all the while continuing to try to improve myself.

Leatherati: What was your motivation to run for the title and do you have a platform or mission that you carry on with this title?

Sir Steel: My major motivation to run for the title would be my lovely partner and puppy, Pup Kaine. While she had interest in the kink lifestyle, she was very much a newcomer. Watching her grow and develop both as a kinster, leatherperson, and puppy was a real inspiration. Helping to see her win the title of Ohio Valley Regional Puppy 2016 and to see her suddenly becoming so respected and admired, I was so proud. Her journey prompted me to take that on myself. Together I plan on us going out to promote as mold breakers. To show that no matter your race, color, gender, sexuality, or orientation, that anyone can be a member of this great leather family. While we all may travel different roads to get here, our destinations are all the same.

Leatherati: We look forward to see you running at International. Are there any other events coming up in the near future we will be able to find you at?

Sir Steel: I am indeed looking forward to traveling out to International next year. Having the opportunity to get to meet, speak with, and befriend leatherkin from all over the nation is a great honor, and I’m sure the memories made will last a lifetime. I am currently trying to go over my intended travel plans for the rest of the year, working them out alongside my partner and puppy, Pup Kaine. I know for certain I will be at Indiana Leather Pride this month. I plan on attending at least CLAW, IML, IPC / IPTC as major events. I am going to be trying to attend as many of the Great Lakes Leather Alliance events that I can, as well as the local Ohio regional ones. To keep track of what I am up to and where I’m at, please feel free to follow my Facebook page.

Sir Steel’s profile can be found at https://www.facebook.com/SirSteel

Leatherati: boy John, Columbus is a new location for MOL. Will it be back here again next year?

boy John: Midwest Olympus Leather will definitely be back in Columbus. Previously, the region was Great Lakes Olympus Leather and the contest was held in my home town of Indianapolis. Last year in a reorganization of the Great Lakes Region I asked Vonn’s permission to rename the region to reflect the addition of Tennessee and Kentucky. Midwest was born. This also seemed like the perfect time to honor the memory of Master Bear Abbott with the Bear Abbott Community Service Award being given for the first time. We are fortunate to find our new home.

Leatherati: Can you tell us a little about your involvement with the local community and your role as Producer for MOL?

boy John: My involvement in with Olympus got back to 2009, that year I was Mr. Great Lakes Olympus Leather and placed First Runner-up at International. I also was producer of several Indiana State Titles. The next year Great Lakes needed new production staff, so I took it on. I can honestly say that I am proud of the inclusiveness International Olympus Leather. I am thrilled this year to work with my classmate Vonn in her first year as International Owner-Producer. This has been my first involvement with the Columbus Leather Community and I find the people here to be some of the finest I have had the pleasure to work with. I look forward to working with them for a long time as MOL settles into its new home.

Leatherati: Any expansion or new developments in the works for 2018?

boy John: I look forward to the growth of our educational workshops while maintaining the quality of the event. I am thrilled to announce next year’s Sunday Brunch, with our first Keynote Speaker Vonn Tramel. I of course hope you will return next year to see what we have planned.

My Master and I are still relatively unseasoned to the area. It’s easy to say that attending this event was boon to our experience of Ohio. We look forward to next year.

Midwest Olympus Leather is currently finalizing dates for 2018 but the event expected to take place again in February.

Midwest Olympus Leather 2017 was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Patrick Mulcahey

Doom is a pet theme of keynote and contest speeches. Leather is on life support. Clubs are fading away, leather spaces too. The big-tent kink scene to which our deserters fled has splintered into a thousand niche groups. People we’d never have let in the door forty years ago are taking over! Then, in defiance of all logic, we are urged to put the “unity” back in community.

But what if these supposed symptoms of our decline are actually evidence of our impulse to wholeness? That’s the question I’d like to entertain today — by way of, first, a quick detour through my personal history.

I had a disastrous coming-out, as gay men at that time generally did, and as soon as I was of legal age, I stuck out my thumb and hitchhiked to Provincetown. It was a couple of states away and I didn’t know anyone there, but I knew there were gay people.

I didn’t know anything about being gay, except for the two marquee sex acts starring the penis and that I wanted in on them. The people at home I’d always thought were my people had turned out not to be, so gay people had to be my people. I just had to find them.

The driver who picked me up and took me most of the way was a gentle professor of something, literature maybe, about the same age I am now. No advances were made, but he invited me to dinner. He was looking for the same people I was looking for, as it happened; but there was not an LGBT people then, more like a Fire Island crowd with good haircuts and a lesbian feminist crowd with all the same haircut. I told the professor yes, just to be nice, then stood him up. I was pretty sure neither of those marquee activities was going to happen, so what was the point?

See, America was obsessed with the filthy things it thought homos were doing day and night, which we obligingly took to be our job description. What was being gay all about, if not sex? We had no models for how to treat each other, except for the way men treated women, and sometimes we treated each other very badly.

Still, the 1970s were the greatest time in history to that point to come out as gay or lesbian. (Well, if you were white.) Stonewall was hardly a blip on the radar of anyone else, but for all of us closeted queers, it was the shot heard round the world. The message of Stonewall wasn’t that we were free. It was all too apparent we weren’t. The message was that we were not alone. Nowadays, whatever your proclivity, you can find out at many megabits per second that you’re not the only one. We had grown up in isolation. Suddenly the genie was out of the bottle, and we spent the Seventies finding each other.

And finding our queer ancestors, newly exhumed from the centuries-long conspiracy to erase us. We loved claiming cultural icons, sometimes on shaky evidence: Alexander the Great, Michelangelo, Queen Christina of Sweden, Langston Hughes, the mythical Pope Joan. It made us seem so legitimate, even if that was not how we felt, ourselves.

We began to hold marches and protests. Speaking of Sweden, always a step ahead when it comes to sex, legend has it that Swedes called in “gay” to work, because wasn’t homosexuality an illness? We elected Harvey Milk and founded a handful of strong new organizations: the Sisters, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, the Radical Faeries, PFLAG. But the most widespread evidence of gay liberation took the form of much liberated personal behavior.

In Provincetown, I got a goodly number of those marquee sex acts under my belt, fell in love with a man for the first time, had my first taste of leathersex, and explained to many busloads of skeptical tourists what scrod is. Now, where could I settle down that was even gayer?

A new kind of activism was afoot in San Francisco when I arrived in the 80s: more targeted, more effective, less playful, more urgent. Not just our civil rights but our lives were in danger, prompting a high level of coordination among our organizations big and small, all the way through the mid-90s. Visible leaders emerged, a new breed of mini-celebrity, famous for being gay: Ginny Apuzzo, Larry Kramer, Vic Basile, Del Martin, Troy Perry, Urvashi Vaid.

The Lesbian Avengers and “On Our Backs” made their first appearance. The Democratic Party added “homosexual rights” to its platform, before awarding us the booby prize of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Domestic partnerships and civil unions gave “separate but equal” a try. We mastered the one-two punch of denying we’re different (“Love makes a family!”) and insisting on it (“We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!”).

The LGBT movement in the twenty-first century is something we haven’t seen before. It’s not leadership-driven. There are too many of us in the public eye to have an anointed spokesperson. Our old umbrella organizations seem muted or in decline, while the newer passionately focused ones bite off a single issue and retreat to their separate corners. We still have Ginny Apuzzo and Larry Kramer and other leaders of yesteryear, but now they’re like favorite aunts and uncles: we love them but don’t really want their advice anymore. When we targeted institutions long considered the exclusive privilege of heterosexuals — marriage, parenting, and the military — success came on the shoulders of ordinary untelegenic people filing lawsuits and testifying in state legislatures.

It may be that for the first time, a majority of LGBT Americans — I’m talking sheer numbers now, without reference to class, race or any other factor — feel assimilated into the mainstream. Even our celebrities: Anderson Cooper, Ellen DeGeneres, Laverne Cox, RuPaul, they’re everyone else’s celebrities too. We sometimes hear older gay folk complain that millennials take equality for granted, but isn’t that what equality is for?

I’ve observed the gay rights movement from inside. But from an aerial view, so to speak, it seems many other movements — women’s lib, the civil rights and environmental movements, even national liberation movements like South Africa’s — follow roughly the same trajectory.

First: finding each other and finding strength in each other. The Women’s Rights Convention of 1848. The United Negro Improvement Association of 1914, tremendously successful in its time. The South African Native National Congress of 1912, which became the ANC. The Sierra Club, founded in 1892.

Second: turning a searchlight on history to recover the names and deeds of the movement’s forerunners. I never heard of Lucretia Mott, Ida B. Wells, Mangosuthu Butelezi, or even John Muir in high school, did you?

Third: the development and maturation of activist organizations, and the elevation of leaders embraced or at least acknowledged by grass-roots followers.

Fourth: the success of those organizations and leaders in achieving broad common goals. Differences from the dominant culture may be strategically downplayed or played up, or both.

Five: decentralization and assimilation. Venerable institutions are supplanted by vigorous ad hoc groups. We don’t hear as much anymore about the Task Force, the National Organization for Women, the Audubon Society, even the NAACP. Instead it’s Black Lives Matter, the Women’s March, Planned Parenthood, PETA, the Transgender Law Center making the headlines.

You see where I’m going with this. Are we a “social movement”? Are we maybe even some kind of liberation movement?

That sounds a little hifalutin for our grungy goings-on. Maybe we’re more a hobbyist group, like bird-watchers or a bowling league? Or maybe we’re a social network serving a single interest, like the PTA. On the other hand, that’s not how we talk about us. We call it “the lifestyle.” And given the proliferation we see of special affinity groups and events (furries, wrestlers, MDHL, International Persons of this and that), our interests don’t seem so single anymore.

I’m not a sociologist. But Marc Edelman is, and he says social movements “look messy, with activist groups and coalitions forming, dividing, and reassembling, and with significant sectors of their target constituencies remaining on the sidelines.” Now that sounds like us, doesn’t it?

But if we really are an unsung liberation movement, what are we moving toward? What are we liberating?

We already had a Sexual Revolution. Ah, but did it live up to its name? Yes, women were freed by The Pill to delay marriage and motherhood — women who slept with men. Clearly, the Sexual Revolution was about heterosexuals having more heterosex, and did nothing to enlarge the sexual repertory, unless you count wife-swapping.

Expanding the menu of erotic acts and intimate relations: that’s what we’ve done.

First, we found each other, in leather bars and private clubs and “dungeons.” We found strength in each other, building associations like the Satyrs and TES and Janus and Samois.

We sifted through history to uncover our roots — sometimes fancifully, as in the case of the infamous Council of Elders, but also through the work of genuine scholars like Gayle Rubin, Michael Bronski, Rob Bienvenu, the academics of CARAS and the Leather Archives.

We undertook activist work: the Woodhull Foundation, NCSF, the DSM Project, kink-awareness trainings for law enforcement and healthcare professionals. We rallied around leaders who emerged organically: Chuck Renslow, Tony DeBlase, Guy Baldwin, Vi Johnson, Judy Tallwing.

Our institutions and leaders coordinated for the good of us all in the 80s and 90s, when we lost so many and saved so many. P.R.-wise we countered the big scary black leather image by holding drives for canned goods and Toys for Tots, proving we could be as nice as anybody.

Today we see the adoption of leather and kink tropes by the mainstream. Everybody knows “Hedwig” and “Kinky Boots” and what a safeword is. Meanwhile there’s been an increasing fragmentation and specialization of our clubs, contests and other events — sometimes redundantly, sometimes very successfully, as in the case of ONYX and bootblacks and pups. Our leadership, to the extent we still recognize any, has become diffuse and local. And we’re as likely to gather in comfy chain hotels as in leather bars, possibly more so.

The question has to be asked: might the fracturing of our interests and activism — what’s been called the “balkanization of kink” — be not a bad thing but a good one? If the organized scene we’ve looked to for decades is spinning off into apps and niche groups and giant You-Name-It-Cons, is it the end of something, or the beginning of something new?

Something like assimilation?

The thought is anathema to many of us, I know. What does the mainstream have to offer us?

Well, numbers. Resources. Room. HBO. Perspective, maybe?

The mainstreaming process, in both directions — kinksters coming out, outsiders dipping a toe in — has been going on among gay men for some time, maybe because we had a head start. You don’t think those twenty thousand guys who’ve been known to show up for IML weekend are all leathermen? They’re mostly adventurous types who like the look, the men, the toys, the parties, and an occasional walk on the wild side, before going back to the Oscar Wilde side.

How would it change us if we no longer walled off our sexuality from our friends and neighbors, and our day-to-day lives from each other? We all rely on the closet — yes: think of all the people in your life who don’t know you’re here and never will — but the closet is a treacherous friend. It asks us to judge the book by its cover. We are more than our sexual attractiveness, more than our ability to take or dish out a beating. As my slave once said memorably, fuming over some preventable leather relationship drama, “First, be a human being.”

Not a Top, not a bottom. Not a Master or a slave. Not a whip connoisseur. Not a fister. Not a masochist. Not a protocol hardass. First, be a human being.

I want to be that to you today, which is why I’m going to break a taboo and tell you I just spent a year without sex. Mostly. More or less. My libido used to be very reliable, even a bit too insistent. Suddenly it went to sleep. I don’t need medical advice. I have a great doctor. I’m not sick. I’m not even worried. It will come back. It may be different, it may be the same.

But I was worried. What did it mean? Who am I now? Am I not a leatherman anymore?

I’m not the only person in this room who’s has a year like mine, and if it hasn’t happened to you, it will. Yet it’s more awkward for us to talk about no sex than it was for our parents to admit there was such a thing.

Are we making room for the whole leatherperson? I don’t mean by de-sexing our scene. But are we fragmenting because people who’ve learned the fundamentals, and don’t care about edgy performance play they’ll never do at home, just get bored and look elsewhere? Would they stick around for workshops on, say, the history of pulp-magazine kink, how to be a mentor, the life and times of Irving Klaw, sadomasochism in Baroque painting? (The Leather Leadership Conference, by the way, is doing a good job of this. Topics straight from their schedule include: working with deafness and hearing loss, managing and marketing a kink business, how to be an ally, how to hold an auction, writing about kink, estate planning for the polyamorous.)

Are we fragmenting because we are too apt to present ourselves to each other as fragments? I’d like to see a conference adapt the format of the old OCLA Sampler. Alongside the usual workshops, silent auctions and so on, you’d get a list of respected leatherfolk and their areas of interest. You could sign up to spend an hour alone with each of three of them, in the coffee shop, on the patio, in their room or yours. I made some landmark friendships that way.

“First, be a human being.” We were drawn to leather and kink to become more whole, not less.

At this point in the history of our movement, if that’s what it is, instead of mourning What Was, might it be time to think about What’s Next, and What We’re Well Rid Of?

The exaggeration, the glorification of gender roles was foundational to leather culture. Men had to be men, and so did women who said no to corsets and high heels. Two gender straitjackets to choose from. Is that what we want our legacy to be, now that little boys can play with dolls and little girls play with dump trucks and straight men kiss each other in public?

You may say, “What if that big-chested, hypergendered sexuality is what turns my crank?” You like what you like, and that is what I like. But the suffocating social framework that shaped me, and shaped my desires, I would not want to bequeath to a new generation.

Might it be time to take advantage of the openness popular culture is showing us? We can return the favor by passing on what we know about consent, communication, safety and pleasure. And we have ourselves, our whole lives to share. I applaud the impulse to infuse a popular genre like romance with kink, but all Fifty Shades brought to the party was a helping of giddy unconventional sex. The relationship it presents is just a retread of Mr Rochester and poor plain Jane Eyre.

We have better stories to tell. Have you seen the “The Piano Teacher”? It’s a harrowing study of a kinky, damaged woman who finally dares to ask for what she needs but doesn’t know what getting it should look like. How many novice submissives have had to muddle their way through that alone? The film won the Grand Prize at Cannes fifteen years ago. Sometimes I wonder if we’re slower to accept ourselves and our kinks than the thinking public is.

When I look at where we are now, I don’t think leather is disappearing. I think what we called “leather” is already gone, and we are convened in the laboratory of its not yet named replacement, wearing the same clothes, using the same words, but not meaning the same things anymore. It’s like we’ve been so focused on whether the roof was caving in that we didn’t notice the whole house got a makeover. We thought it was just termites.

A month ago I bought a cemetery plot. Well? We Masters and Dominants are always exhorting each other to make arrangements for those in our service, should something happen to us. I figured it was time to put this last piece in place.

I didn’t know how to go about it. It’s not something you’re ever going to get much practice at. The two of us want to be cremated — not at the same time; little p was not receptive to that idea — and not scattered but buried, in a pair of my boots, me in the left one, him in the right. But of course there are no leather graveyards, only graveyards of leather titles.

Our little country cemetery cannot very often have two men walk in, one with a chain locked around his neck, two men moreover with the same name, who want to be buried together. Even so, the caretakers showed not a flicker of anything but kindness. They took us out to a hill overlooking the river and helped me choose a beautiful spot. A plot with a view, as they called it. Their eyebrows went up just a bit at the mention of my boots, which they acknowledged would be non-standard. But they promised to look the other way and let us have what we want.

I had some anxiety about leaving San Francisco, not the city but the community. There I could have my kinky attorney make arrangements with a kinky funeral director to get something like the same result, probably not in my boots or in the ground or in my budget. But my experiences since I left seem to be telling me I don’t need to be insulated in that way anymore. The world, not all of it but some of it, seems ready to shrug off my same-sex, same-name, Master-slave marriage. People don’t find us intolerably odd or worrisome. They find us, first, human.

Patrick Mulcahey
May 7, 2017
Northwest Leather Celebration

FIRST, BE A HUMAN BEING was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

This Friday, May 12th, 2017, kicks off the first annual Mr. Providence Eagle Contest Weekend in Providence, Rhode Island. All leathermen of New England are encouraged to come out and apply! With a full weekend of events, Mr. PVD Eagle is sure to be a good time and is not to be missed — especially the contest that starts at 7 PM, Saturday May 13th, at the Providence Eagle. Kevin Henderson caught up with Sir Rick Valetino, producer of the Mr. Providence Eagle Contest and Northeast LeatherSIR 2011, a few weeks back to ask him some questions about the contest.

Kevin: Why does New England need another title? What are you hoping this contest will do for the leather community in New England?

Sir Rick: Well, in 2011, I was the Northeast LeatherSIR along with my partner who was Northeast Leatherboy. We took The Eagle as our home bar. We didn’t really have a place to actually meet. At first, the former owner of the Eagle gave us a luke-warm reception. But we kept at it and started doing monthly bar nights. The first time we went into the bar, we were like, “Can we do demos? Can we do, you know, do whatever,” whatever we could think of to get people out at night and get people in the club with some sort of leather presence. Let me tell you, that first bar night was a little scary on my end. There were maybe twenty people there on a Saturday night, and I’m thinking to myself, “How is this place staying open?”

And there was like eight of us from the Northeast Leather Family, which was part of my home title, and we were the only ones in leather! And I was like, “Oh my god, this is a leather bar?” And I come from the Washington DC-Baltimore area where leather was huge. You know, the community was very active and out-there. So, we stuck with it, and kept promoting and recruiting, and it got to the point where you could barely even move in there on one of our bar nights.

Then, the bar lost their lease. Mikey, who was the bar manager, saw an opportunity. He took it over, moved the bar to the different location, and it has been success ever since. We supported Mikey and helped precipitate a renaissance. It was just not really happening before, and Boston is not really a city that embraces diversity. Providence is much more permissive. Flogging is not a problem here. Flogging is a problem is Massachusetts because it is technically considered assault, even if it is consensual. But not in Rhode Island. Not in Providence. So it was a really great place for us to be, and it has turned into a really nice community there. The interactions between the different clubs, the bears, the rubberists, all of them, is really wonderful. This contest is to make sure that this all continues, that there continues to be place where we can all go and have fun and get into our kinks. People don’t always know there is an Eagle in Providence, and we have a great bar owner who is committed to make sure we have a place to be.

Kevin: So the hope is that the title will bring people into the bar?

Sir Rick: Well, that’s just one aspect, but also the title will be where we get leadership in our community. It is a way for people to become active in the community. People might not necessarily compete, but I have a lot of people who aren’t competing that are helping with the contest and this gives people an opportunity to do something, to build something. Maybe in the future, one of them would want to represent the bar and the city. It is not just a bar title, it is a regional/state title. It is open to anyone in New England as long as they can actually participate at The Eagle.

Kevin: Who are you looking for to compete in this competition? Who is your ideal competitor?

Sir Rick: We aren’t looking for Mr. Body-Beautiful, per say. I am actually modeling this contest after Mr. Connecticut Leather. The producer of Mr. Connecticut Leather is a friend of mine, and I think it is very refreshing when you go to a contest and, during the meet-and-greet, and you think, ‘oh that person is going to win,’ and then they don’t! You know, everyone is going, ‘oh the hottie, of course the hottie is going to win.’ And then you find out you have a transgender bear that win! Hey, that means it is a for-real contest! I have set my contest up to make sure that just because someone is beautiful doesn’t mean they are going to win. I want someone who is community-based and has a history with the community. Or, I’m looking for contestants who want to get their feet wet. Maybe they are new to the community, or somewhat new, but they have things to learn. Outgoing people, engaged people are what I’m looking for.

Kevin: Can you tell us a little bit about the contest itself? Who is judging? Who will be there?

Sir Rick: We have seven judges. It will be Olympic scoring. Mama Sandy Reinhardt is the head judge. Mama Sandy is our leather matriarch and helped the leather guys die with dignity during the early days of the AIDS crisis when no one would touch them. She raised a lot of money for buddy programs and home health care. She really didn’t have to do anything as a straight woman, but she did and people rallied around her. It all snowballed into a big deal with an entire leather family. Her family raises a lot of money per year for charity. My second judge is Preston So who is Mr. International Rubber 2017/Mr. New England Rubber 2016. I met him at MAL this year. He’s a really nice guy and a very down-to-earth. The third judge is Steven Carlisle, American Leather Boy 2016. I believe he is coming in from Los Angeles. I met him a MAL and he was super to talk to, and I am looking forward to getting to know him better. The fourth judge is John-John Punki, Mr Eagle NYC 2017 and was the first Mr. RockBear NYC. The fifth judge Daddy David Gerard from Connecticut. He won Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather 2015. He is one of those people that Connecticut tends to award their titles to. He was up against younger, prettier contestants and yet he won. I think that’s saying a lot for that title. He is one of my closest friends, and I’ve really gotten to know him well over the last few years. He does a lot for the community. The sixth judge is KJ Nichols, Mr. Connecticut Leather 2013. Again, like Daddy David, KJ is a bear that was up against a hot IML-ready looking guy who just wasn’t ready yet to be a titleholder. KJ is a sweetheart and very active in fighting for transgender rights and visibility. The seventh judge is Preston Tucker, Mr. San Jose Leather 1993 and International Mr. Leather 1994 and will be the Den Daddy at IML this year. He is from New Jersey. He and I hit it off the first time we met. We both have wicked senses of humor and we play of each other. I just love him to death.

The judging panel was really Connecticut heavy at first, but now we really do have an national panel and it is just incredibly diverse.

The contest is from the ground-up. It has been a lot of work, but The Eagle is a special place for me. I mean, it closed! And it closed at a time when the DC Eagle was closing, and the San Francisco Eagle was closing, and I was just like, ‘you know what, all the these leather bars are closing and I’ll be god damned if I let Providence Eagle close after doing as much work as we did to get people in there.’ I’m just lucky The Eagle’s bar owner, Mikey, is as committed as I am.

Kevin: For someone who is interested in attending the contest but isn’t looking to compete, what would you say the contest offers to him or her?

Sir Rick: It offers people a glimpse of what we do in the leather community if they aren’t connected to the leather community at all. It shows the camaraderie that we all have because it is such a fun place to be. There’s a lot of cruising going on, there’s some playing that goes on, but it is not overtly out in the open. You will have the opportunity to see and meet different people and to get involved in something you may not have otherwise.

Susan Weinstein, out of New York, will be there as an American Sign Language interpreter. She is very close friend of mine. I surround myself with people I can count on. It is really critical that the first one goes off without a hitch so that people come back for the second one.

Everyone I’ve ask to be part of this is so behind this that they either said yes right away or, two of them said, you know, ‘let me check with partner or partners,’ and within fifteen minutes they were both on board. I think people genuinely like me. I’ve been characterized as intimidating at times when I’m on a judging panel, but I’m pretty playful. I’m Mama’s Playful SIR, after all. But, I guess I have this persona or general look that makes contestants a little scared. I don’t know why.

Kevin: But they have nothing to worry about for this contest?

Sir Rick: (Laughing) No, no, no. I personally really wanted to be the first one [Mr. PVD Eagle] so that I could set the tone for anyone whoever came after. But, being the producer of the title allows me to do the same thing without being the titleholder. During my title year in 2011, the producer of my title was not helpful. He got lucky that his titleholders all took their titles and ran with them without any help from him, but I am not going to do that to my titleholder. My titleholder will have the full support of myself and Mikey. We are committed to making him as successful as he can be. Our contest is two weeks before IML, so my titleholder will not go to IML until he steps down. That means he has a whole year to show everyone what he has to give, and we are committed to helping him be his best.

My boy, who was my title boy during our title years, borrowed something from Bears, Bikers & Mayhem in Pennsylvania. They do something interesting. Their titleholder only gets half the prize money at the win and gets the second half during their step down. I was like, that’s a great idea! Because so often a title is taken away from someone because they aren’t doing what they are supposed to. I, as the producer, won’t be the reason why the titleholder doesn’t succeed.

Kevin: Do you have any advice for the competitors?

Sir Rick: Be presentable! I don’t want to see pants halfway down your ass for formal leather. Polish your boots. Look your best.

You can learn more about the full event line-up and local accommodations and/or download a contestant application by visiting mrpvdeagle.com.

First Annual Mr. Providence Eagle Contest was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Deborah Hoffman-Wade

I love IMsL. For me it is a form of Hallows experience. Time out time. A full immersion experience of the eruptions and creation of intentional community. Slightly messy, always interesting, and wickedly fun. For the first time in years I was not covering IMsL because my huzbutch was judging along with my huzband, Mark Frazier. So, these are my sweet memories and comments on IMsL 2017 as I just hung out and watched as Schon, Mark, and Mike (my boy) work. This year I was just….

…The Judge’s Wife aka The Old Cranky Broad with The Cute Dog
Being a Judge’s wife was fabulous. For the women snarking in the bathroom at DNA about not knowing “who the fuck is Schon”, “she wasn’t a titleholder”, and “why the hell is she a judge”? I am about to tell you. Schon has been part of the Leather Community for almost twenty years. Just because she does not have a sash around her neck, does not put herself on stage, have an ego the size of the Doubletree or have the need to be noticed, doesn’t mean she is not qualified to be a judge. She has me for all of those!

Schon has been one of those people who work in the deep. She is foundation, the rock bed, the deep root, and the keeper of the home fires. One of those people who show up first to put out the chairs and stays to the end to put them all away. She and many like her don’t get the attention of title holders but she is the fucking one who brings full length mirrors so you can check your fucking stocking seams before you go on stage. She is the one who brings the food for you to snack on, hauls the equipment you play on, keeps an eye on the contest budget, and picks up after you when you leave.

She is the one you can run to when humans are mean/stupid/ridiculous. The kind you lean into, and wail like a two year old knowing she will hold you, and not let go until you are fully grounded. She is the most amazing person I know and I have known her for 35 years and married to her for 28 years. When family want the “give it to me straight up with no frills” they go to Schon. She is hard truth. She is also compassionate acceptance. Gifted with the ability to be sincere, compassionate, and fair. It pisses me off, as a hot head that she is so fair. As almost every judge I have been honored to sit with, I commend the judges for their work, time, and gentle forthrightness. Remember this next time you think some judge is not worthy, we are all worthy.

Judging is a huge responsibility, energizing, terrifying, and fun. As a judge I had amazing mentors, each of them teaching me and others how to be the best at listening, questioning, observation, and follow up. These are the basic tools of judging contests. Mark Frazier, Queen Cougar, and Race Bannon taught me that each contestant arrives with a clean slate, is respected for their participation, and are treated well and fairly. They taught me about the ethics of being a judge: respect every contestant, listen with an open mind, ask hard questions with regard, be direct and kind, follow up on hear-say with contestants, do not talk about contestants with other judges or community outside of the specific judging times, and be compassionate along with forthright.

Interviews are the main course of judging. They are difficult to prepare for and they are just as hard to judge. I am forever grateful that IMsL is one of the few contests who actually show us all this process. If you have never been to the interview portion of the contest I encourage you to go and get your empathy nodes polished up. As IMsL 2017, Girl Complex said, “The hardest part of the contest was thinking about and preparing for the interview, since you have no idea what they are going to ask you just have to hope that you can answer everything they do.”

Social Butterflies
I am an Aries. I have five houses in Aries. I am a big ole ENFJ. Gregarious, outgoing, with an ego to match. I have never denied my ego, because I always try to be aware how much space I can take. It is a painful lesson to learn how to balance a BIG, in so many ways, self with being a person who can take up so much space. It came down to my teacher, mentor, sister, Deb Trent (RIP) to brave the ego and tell me to shut the fuck up, step the fuck back, and let others breathe. If I don’t I give space to those who are not as talkative, I shut out people who I should hear. Who need to be heard. Who are not as comfortable being social. All of us have the ability to be social, and in fact, a lot of performers are actually introverted lovers of quiet.

As Elisa said, “The hardest part of the contest, and of any contest I’ve ever done is the unstructured social events that you have to do, like Seduction and the Uniform Party. I’m an introvert and thrive within one on one interactions and I also like doing things that have more of a structured process. I have to walk into the event with a game plan of how to approach people and also with a friend who can poke me into meeting more people if I get caught up too intensely in a conversation.”

I am a social butterfly. I love to schmooze. Although as I age my energy level has dropped considerably, I still love being around people. I don’t go away exhausted emotionally or physically, I get filled up. All the faces, all the hugs, all the mini conversations, all the players, all the femmes in fabulous dresses, it all serves to refresh my Leather self, my extrovert self, and my need to physically see friends who live so far away.

Rutherford B. Hayes and Reconstructionism
I laughed so hard. I also did a lot of teaching about how President Hayes was outstanding (at his time) by taking a stand against the horrors of Reconstructionism and the South’s work to slow down the progress of emancipation. Basic American History. Sigh. Google it for more information.

Oh what we learn at IMsL! Not always the latest flogging technique. We share. We laugh. We make mistakes. We forgive. We move on. We learn. It is a cycle of self education, which our community constantly does. Race Bannon in his book The Art of Self Education says, “I call this trend the emergence of self-service education. Students will increasingly pull education to them rather than waiting for educational institutions to push learning content out. Students will identify what they want to learn and technology will empower them with the tools to deliver the appropriate learning directly to them without the need for intermediaries.” We have been self educating for years. We are good at it.

I go to IMsL to learn. To grow personally, as a dominant, and as a human being. I take what I learn both in formal classes and by association. We don’t stop growing once any conference is over. We take what we absorb through brain power or feelings or touch and we carry that with us when we go home. Girl Complex’s wants to learn “more about the people who are underrepresented and find out why they feel that way. I want to hear their stories.”

I don’t stop learning once I leave a conference. I asked Elisa what she wants to learn this year and she said, “I’m excited to travel overseas and learn more about the leather and bootblack community outside of North America. I’m also interested in finding out the best ways to help support and nurture communities with a new and developing bootblack culture.” Girl Complex said, “In my title year I want to learn more about the people who are underrepresented and find out why they feel that way. I want to hear their stories. I would also I love to learn how and where I grow in my leather life.”

I want to learn how to say, “No, thank you.” without guilt. I want to be a better Ma’am to Mike, and a better wife to Schon. I want to finish my damn book. I want to learn to grow older with dignity and not turn into a beige old lady. I want to set personal, spiritual, and public service goals and meet them. I want to sop up the juices of sex, play, history, joy, and learning IMsL provides me.

Joy and Bliss
I am talking about joy. Where do you get your joy on? IMsL is one of those places for me. The joy of so many bright, funny, amazing people who just fill the halls with laughter. Laughter is a constant. I walk slow. One of the joys of walking slow is listening to snippets of people’s reunions, jubilation, watching hugs, conversations, and laughter. Always laughter. The joy of return, the joy of finally, the joy of sparkly new, the joy of play becomes reality. I asked Elisa what was her moment of joy during the contest and she said, “I think the moment of finishing tech boot was pretty joyful. It’s hard to overestimate the hours of prep that I put into doing tech work under time pressure leading up to the contest. It was tremendously stressful and to complete the task successfully was wonderful.”

We all prep for IMsL in so many ways. From clothing spreadsheets, to dates, to play times, we map our way through what makes us happy. Happiness and joy at an event is making sure you get your needs met. Girl Complex said she found joy by “bonding with my classmates. I did not think that was possible in such a short time and space. If it was after winning, it was the people who came up to me, hugged me, and we almost cried. They were so happy to see themselves reflected on the stage and I was part of that for them.”

I think sometimes the bliss of IMsL or any event that expands our senses and permeates throughout our international community and fuels more joy.

Men of IMsL
I love the amazing energy of women and all the gender variants of people that attend IMsL. This is where I get my yearly (at minimum) Hooker hugs. Hooker has been working and supporting IMsL for almost 15 years. Every time I see him or other men it makes me feel warm and lovely. I hope that the Men of IMsL grows. I was happy to see International, National, and Local men’s titleholders at IMsL. I would be even happier to see more of our local community show up. Kudos for our guys who show up, help, and participate in IMsL. As a former producer of men’s leather contests (Mr. SF Leather and Northern California Leather Sir/boy and Community Bootblack), the Leather men I know are among the most self aware, feminist, progressive, deeply caring, and respectful men in the world. The Men of IMsL have consistently show up for women and queers of IMsL.

Alameda County Leather Corp (ACLC) Yes, I am bragging.
Girl Complex, IMsL 2017 is my Great, Great, Great, Great, Great Granddaughter. I was also the Head Judge for her ACLC title (Ms. Alameda County Leather 2016). Bubbie could not be prouder. Alameda County Leather Corps is my home club out of the East Bay, California. Although I am not as active as I used to be, it is still my club. ACLC has been a leader in the Bay Community for many years. Open to all genders, all races, all kinks, and all fetish configurations, it is a conglomerate of people. ACLC is a service club in which titleholders are expected to raise funds for charity and serve the local community. ACLC’s Women’s contest is one of the longest running contests with consecutive titleholders. Next year’s Ms. ACL with be our 26th! Never an empty title, never a year without a contest. We are consistent. We show up, we work, we face the difficult, we learn together, we argue, we create fun, and we continue. We, as in the collective body of ACLC, are so thrilled and gratified. You rocked it Granddaughter. We are always here for you. We got your back, your front, and I will personally protect your dimples.

The Power of a Self Acceptance
There are tons of reasons we all have issues with our bodies. As a fat fabulous femme, knowing I was a dyke at 16 (OMG 48 years ago) and coming out in Minneapolis in 1977 at the very first Pride Parade, was not easy. I was femme and fat. I have always been a big woman. I learned to sew to make myself stylish clothes. I have worked hard to overcome the Terror Of The Dressing Room at retail stores. While college gave me freedom of intellect, the women’s spirituality/dyke community helped me worship my body as the Sleeping Goddess of Malta and live sexual being, the Leather Community brought my kinky self to life. I have my moments of self doubt, but I revel in my self. Healthy self acceptance, body elation, and the honoring of all types of bodies and abilities are a gift of the IMsL community.

When discussing with my peers some issues around employment, I shared the real world of living fat. I said to them, “When looking for a new job as a fat women, I have one fear. It is not that I am an old women in her 60’s, it is not that I am a woman. It is not that I am a Leather Dyke (yes, they google you). It is that I am a fat woman. I am fat, therefore (and I have been told all this) I am undisciplined, unable to keep up, have no will power, need to only wear black/navy blue to look thinner, and I am unhealthy. I am none of those things. I am articulate, smart, direct, compassionate, determined, disciplined, color popping powerful fucking Leather Dyke.

Elisa, IMsBootblack 2017, said “I want my an international title year as a fat woman to encourage more women who are scared to be visible because of their body image into visible roles in their community, titles or otherwise. And how does she plan to meet that goal: “I’m going to wear a bikini a whole lot.”

Here’s to all of us no matter body types, racial make-ups, religious/spiritual beliefs, ego thresholds, social types, play types, gender types, who wear your bikini or lace or boots or heels proudly! This and much more is what IMsL is all about: loving and celebrating our Leather, learning about our history or a new way to play, and celebrating the amazing power of our community.

Deborah Hoffman-Wade, M.Th.,MSW, ICSW, is at heart a Femme Leather Dyke. Fierce and fabulous, Deborah is Ms. Alameda County Leather 2009. She is past producer of several bay area contests (Mr. San Francisco Leather, Northern California LeatherSir, boy and Bootblack). She was the 2013 San Francisco Leather Alliance Leather Woman of the Year and the 2014 Leather Marshall to the San Francisco Pride Parade. Deborah was a columnist for Lavender Press (MPLS/ST. Paul) and Of A Like Mind (Madison, WI) and writes op/ed for Leatherati.com. She is Co-Author of Partners in Change: Building Collaborations. More important than all the above stuff, she is wife to Schon Wade for going on 29 years and Ma’am to her boy Mike Gelfand. She is also Oscar’s Momma.

Time Out of Time was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The Field of Bent Over Asses

If I turned my head to the right or the left I saw nothing but a field of bent over asses. Round, firm, wide, flat, hairy, smooth, some covered, some barely covered, some totally covered asses. Yes. Right up close and personal. Actually, usually right behind me. The Bootblacks of Folsom Street Fair are bent over doing their job. Keeping those leathers supple, clean, conditioned and smelling delicious.

Now I am not going to be able to go back, if there was a back, farther than Driller, IMrBB 1997. He was one of the first people I remember organizing the bootblack stands. My involvement with the Bootblacks began in 2000.

When I began my Dore/Folsom attendance Bootdog, IMrBB 2008 and Norel organized and ran the booth. It is a lot of work and Bootdog was about to go off to get his MBA and Norel was ready to retire. Bootdog and Norel asked boyJean to take on the task. He said yes.

That was about seven years ago boyJean, ICCB 2007 took over the organization of bootblacks. He needed a pimp and he asked me. I said yes. One of the very best decisions I ever made as a femme leather dyke.

For as long as we can remember there have been bootblacks at the Fairs. It has been tradition for many years for the bootblacks who won International Contests (IMsL, IMLBootblack,IML/IMrBB, ILSb/ICBB) to do their partner-in-sash leathers. It has been the place where title holders of all regional, state, and local bootblacks worked. Hard. The bootblack tents, sponsored by Folsom Street Fairs has always collected a small fee which paid for stands, paid for transport of equipment and the balance went to charity.

I want to thank all the bootblacks from our community who work just as hard as titleholders to serve the community at the Fairs. It was always a pleasure to meet new faces. Both older folks and younger folks. Those who work so hard without the overwhelming attention of a title. I salute you. If my knees where better I would kneel before you. You deserve it.

The bootblack stands don’t just magically appear with a non glittery poof! People actually have to be organized, tickets printed, change for the money bag, get up at 5 am to haul stands, chairs, cases of water, check in with Folsom Central, get our volunteer passes, and set up all the equipment.

boyJean wrangled the bootblacks with due diligence and the patience of a saint. He worked around titleholders on stage schedule, fly in times, play schedules, work schedules to make everything work. He hauled heavy ass stands made of 2/4’s in a rented van at 5 in the morning and at 6 at night for all those years. He saw three generations of stands, going from the heavy SOBs that where like a jigsaw puzzle to put together to a lighter weight yet stronger and a cinch to put together stands. We added chairs for elders to wait and put aside early number tickets for those who were over 65 or physically could not stand and wait.

The best part of this was the most amazing people I met and served: the bootblacks. No pretenses (or very little), supportive of one another, hydrating each other (yes I may be talking a few yellow hankies), encouraging each other, laughing together, sharing products, eating together, and consistently positive. It was heaven. It was leather heaven. I was ass deep in the exquisite smell of leather, products and bootblacks sweating. It was bliss.

I always preferred being called the Bootblack Concierge. I would show up about 10am, put all the signs up, set up a table and chairs, set up beverages, take charge of the volunteer passes, and became keeper of the tickets and moneybag. It was my job to deal with the “public” and the “community”. They were totally different. While Dore Alley was a community celebration and mostly delightful, fun, hot, and everyone is in a fabulous mood, Folsom was a whole different tin of wax.

While boyJean took a well deserved break my job was to run the booth, check in the bootblacks, make sure they drank lots of water, sell the tickets, encourage tipping, protect the bootblacks, keep the waiting customers smiling, make sure the bootblacks ate, took breaks, and still keep the flow going. At Folsom this is exacerbated by tourists.

While there are some horrors mostly related to drunk tourists who bought toys. Like the time tourist bought a new crop and decided to whack the ass of the bootblack at the end stand. Or how many times I said, “Do not chain your submissive to the bootblack tent poles.” Or the time I watched four drunk tourists swinging a signal tail in front of the tent. The swings were wild and getting wilder all the time. I gently encouraged them to move onto somewhere that was not in front of our booth and that swinging a random whip without considering who was around you is dangerous. I know I may have raised my voice a few times to clear out the overcrowded voyeurs that impaired the ability to the bootblacks to do their work. And it was joyful work.We were the bootblack lounge. Visiting bootblacks could stash their gear, head out to play or shop or eat and come back for some shade.

My memories are full of all the bootblacks that have wound their way through the stands. I will always be humbled to be part of the Folsom Street Fair experience. After seven years, boyJean and I are stepping aside for the next generation of organizers. Like all things it is hard to let go of your baby and pass it on but it is time.

Teagan and Jesbian

Teagan and Jesbian have agreed to step up and carry on the tradition of the Bootblack stands at the Folsom Street Fair. Teagan will be doing all the organizing and setting of schedules for both Dore Alley and Folsom Street Fair. She is Southwest Bootblack 2017 and lives in Oakland. She was our choice because of her dedication to the art, her knowledge of the community, her ability to organize, her dependability, and her people skills.

Jesbian is the Ms. California Leather 2017 and will be our new Bootblack Concierge. We chose Jesbian for her fabulous ability to schmooze. She has the balance needed to cajole, care, and stand up for the bootblacks at the stands. She has the voice needed to be able to sweetly move the muggles on, protect the bootblacks from being overwhelmed by people, and to do it all with a smile.

Handling throngs of people all wanting something different is a true experience of balance. A balance between being sweet, kind and compassionate with the need to sometimes be stern, protective, and educating the public on appropriate decorum. These are skills she owns!

It has been a great run. Jean and I thank all the bootblacks for all their love, laughter and naughtyness. It was boyJean and my honor to serve you. You are always in our hearts.

The Legacy continues. The Art of Bootblacking is alive.

Deborah Hoffman-Wade, M.Th.,MSW, ICSW, is at heart a Femme Leather Dyke. Fierce and fabulous, Deborah is Ms. Alameda County Leather 2009. She is past producer of several bay area contests (Mr. San Francisco Leather, Northern California LeatherSir, boy and Bootblack). She was the 2013 San Francisco Leather Alliance Leather Woman of the Year and the 2014 Leather Marshall to the San Francisco Pride Parade. Deborah was a columnist for Lavender Press (MPLS/ST. Paul) and Of A Like Mind (Madison, WI) and writes op/ed for Leatherati.com. She is Co-Author of Partners in Change: Building Collaborations. More important than all the above stuff, she is wife to Schon Wade for going on 29 years and Ma’am to her boy Mike Gelfand. She is also Oscar’s Momma.

The Field of Bent Over Asses was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

By Rooks

Leather Mosaic was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Leland Carina

Thank you Sir Daddy Daun and slave girl j! Here are some resources to find out more!

Sir Daddy Daun and slave girl j’s Facebook page

International Master/slave website

Northwest Master/slave website

Interview with Sir Daddy Daun and slave girl j was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

I am Jewish and a Semite* on my father’s side of the family. According to Jewish halakha (law) your Jewish ancestry is a matriarchy. You are Jewish if your mother is Jewish not your father. I have been always been spiritual and religious. Meaning I love belonging to an actual congregation and attending services. Being religious and spiritual (the first is an anomaly, the second acceptable) and Jewish in the kink community is not always a comfortable seat. As a femme Leather dyke the anti-Semitism and anti-religious is something that I experience in community.

There is an old joke about two Jewish humans landing on a deserted island. When they are rescued there are three amazing buildings on the island. When asked what they were they pointed to the first building and said, “This is the synagogue I go to. The second is the synagogue he goes to.” The rescuer asked “Well, what is the third?” In disdain they answered, “Neither of us go to that synagogue!” Therefore everything I talk about in this article is from my experience of my beliefs and values. It is about my synagogue, any other Jew or Jewish Movement may have a different experience.

A lot of the Leather and GLBT community have been treated poorly by a lot of religious communities, so I understand their skepticism. Being raised Catholic, the misogyny alone was enough adding the inability to be clergy, the abuse of children by male clergy, and the anti-LBGT community, I know what growing up in an oppressive non-progressive religion was like. This, however did not ever challenge my belief in G-d/dess. That She is genderless, and approachable brings me joy.

The atheists in our this community are very verbal and expressive, too. I have the greatest respect for their beliefs, however I do believe in G-d. My search for a religious and spiritual home has been a long one that started as a child. For all the reasons summed up in this article I chose to convert to Judaism at Temple Beth Abraham in Oakland, CA. TBA was founded in 1907 and it still a vital, growing community. Hopefully people will learn a little something about the tenants of Judaism.

When I sat through my first Shabbat service I felt this healing of continuity. Like my Great to the nth degree Grandmother was filled with joy as I sat there. Even though I could not understand any of the prayers in Hebrew, I felt the tuning fork of my body vibrate in perfect harmony.

I have always felt like a half Jew. When I started attending Temple Beth Abraham the deep abiding love I have always had for this part of myself felt the pull to commit fully for many reasons; one of them being my deep love for Judaism. “You will love Adonai, Your G-d with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5

My paternal great grandparents came from a shtetl in Russian to Odessa in the early 1900’s. From Odessa they bought or bribed papers and other documents to safely leave Odessa and come to the USA. The pogroms (A pogrom is a violent riot aimed at the massacre or persecution of an ethnic or religious group, particularly one aimed at Jews.) were going on in the shtetls in Russia. If you have seen Fiddler On The Roof, Tevye lived in a shtetl and was made to leave in a pogrom. My Grandfather, Joseph Hoffman got a job working for the railroad in Tacoma, Washington. The Tacoma railroad yards were full of Jewish workers. My great grandparents, grandparents and my father were silent and non observant and we were brought up in the faith of my mother. Sometimes I cry because my Jewish ancestors were forgotten. No one remembers them. No one calls out his or her names for yahrzeit (the yearly remembrance of the dead). Now I do, they are no longer forgotten.

I figured out that my Jewish roots have been cut off at the very least 115 years. Since the age of 16 I have been on a journey to discover, accept and heal. This is my Teshuvah (atonement). I feel like I am attaining atonement in some degree for the overwhelming trauma that serves to separates us from our people. We all get separated from each other in a world that does not accept difference. A century of wandering in the desert must be some kind of Jewish record of finding your way home, although wandering seems to be part of our Jewish experiences. In the desert, in dispersion, in our hearts we are always searching to fulfill the Covenant or running from the responsibility of it.

It is, for me, a way to live, a way to pray, a way to serve, a way to study Torah; it fulfills my soul and connects me to the cosmic experience of being a Jew. I converted because I am a lover of Torah of the study of Torah. I converted because I am a lover of communal and private prayer in Hebrew. It is the eternal connection of one generation to another, of every Jew to another, and the amazing fruition of a living, breathing religion and people. Hebrew is a constant ringing in my ears. I close my eyes and Hebrew letters and prayers float in and out of my mind.

While I do not feel in anyway ‘other’, I have some sadness of how much I missed. I revel in how sweet it is to study as worship. Susan, my Hebrew teacher, and unofficial Jewish Mother, has helped me to fill in the cultural gaps by answering every minute question I asked.

In the synagogue, in my home, at the beach, and in the hearts of all Jews is the One, eternal G-d. Although it is not necessary to believe in God to be a Jew. We are more than a religion. We are deeply rooted in community and family. We are a people. We are Mizrahim, Sephardim, and Ashkanazim.

It was a tremendous sacred sign to walk into an amazing synagogue led by Rabbi Bloom, Cantor Kaplan, and Susan Simon. They are welcoming, inspirational teachers, and a blessing. I have only begun to learn from all of them. The Jewish Community of TBA have welcomed me, helped me, prayed with me, and laughed with me. There is such joy. There is much action. A social, active, living breathing, balanced, studying, questioning, debating religion/people is a source of unending bliss.

The members of TBA from the moment we walked in were welcoming and generous. I had been to TBA for the conversion ceremony of a friend and spent several months talking to her about conversion and the Synagogue. When I decided to actually take the step outside of “visiting” the first person to greet me when I walked in was a vivacious smiling face that turned out to be our Rebbetzin, the Rabbi’s wife. She asked our names and where we were from and was just lovely. Community members reached out to welcome us as we kept coming back to celebrate Shabbat. The political liberal, truly welcoming (not just as a pithy saying on the website), and accepting.

From congregants helping me find my place in the Siddur (Order of Service) to Aaron, the 83 year old past President, telling charismatic historical stories, to Susan’s helping me with my Hebrew and customs, to the unending members who showed such kindness to me this and more called to my Jewish heart.

I was honest about being a dyke, about being a Leather dyke, and about being poly with a huzbutch and a boy. Nothing seemed to phase them. Although they may not all understand, they really don’t care. You are a Jew. You are a fellow member. It is the ONLY spiritual path I have traveled that truly accepts everyone: gay, poly, kinky, trans, dyke, and all combinations. It was an overwhelming experience as we kept attending to be so welcomed by everyone, Rabbi to congregant. I am a proud descendant of Abraham and Sarah, as are all my people.

I can sum up why I converted by my response of my closest sister to my study and conversion, “You are already gay and politically rather radical. Why are you adding another layer of possible discrimination?” My response was, “I already am. We already are.” Why? I am all of those women already. I always have been. I am gay. I am politically fierce. I am Jewish. Conversion cements and centers me.

What Is Meaningful To Me. Some Tenants of Judaism

Spirtuality-Torah, Shabbat, Festivals and Holidays

I love Shabbat. I love Shabbat candle lighting and dinner. I love the daily prayers, kashrut awareness, and celebrating the holidays, I have celebrate and observed all the Holy Days, the festivals, the memorials, and even the fasts. I love observing Shabbat. I love especially the Torah Service. I get Torah Sparks and Mishnah Yomit from the Conservative Yeshiva in Jerusalem every Wednesday and read the portion and the commentary. I read the Torah portion again on Friday Evening. Shabbat is the crown of my week. Sometimes I stay until the last few people leave lunch to soak in the joy. I am learning to read Torah in Hebrew. I will forever speak Hebrew with a Susan Simon accent and I could not be prouder to carry her teaching in my heart and mind. All the letters float like a blessing from the Torah to all my senses. My ears hear the trope. I see the sacred letters and words and delight in their form and beauty, my hands hold the sacred text, I smell the scent of paper or vellum, and I taste the sweetness of study and worship.

People — Am Israel

I feel this amazing connection that Jews have for one another. Especially, feminist Jewish women. I am constantly learning a new culture. Although Yiddish was part of my young life, I was not brought up as the people, Am Israel. I did not grow up with the same clues, fears, and hopes, as Am Israel. I am like the lotus working my way up through the mud and water of learning to be part of a culture over 5000 years old. I don’t have the same cultural clues but I strive to reach upward to bloom in a lake full of my people. That lotus wants to pray in tallit and tefillin, carry and read Torah at the Wall like all other Jews! It will be a thrill to be another blossom of Am Israel. As Susan said, “You have to be a little crazy to convert.” Crazy smart. Crazy happy. Crazy in love with my people.

Community — Kiddish luncheon

Social intelligence is greatly overlooked and is so important. TBA has built a strong, vibrant, vital community. The strong leadership of TBA has an amazing effect on the community. The Torah Parshah for June 24 is Korach, one of the viewpoints related to this challenge of leadership is how little we honor and respect our leaders publicly. While no person is perfect, the leadership sets the tone of welcoming in all communities. I think one of most meaningful parts of my Jewish life is my community. I felt welcomed, accepted, and helped.

I am not a shy person but sometimes overwhelmed by my feelings I isolated myself or did not join tables full of people I did not know, so they joined me. I am forever grateful for their hospitality. I have never, ever felt the stranger. Laughter bubbles up from the joyful delight of services to the huge weekly family lunches and makes my heart feel squeezed. When I think back over a year of lunches with 80 year olds to babies all chatting, arguing, gossiping, discussing, laughing, playing some soccer, catching girls giggling over the Rabbi’s sons…I am brought to tears. As my grandfather warned me, “The older you get, the more you cry with sadness or joy.” I stopped wearing mascara. Tears of joy are always right there, waiting as someone greets me with a Shabbat Shalom or hugs and kisses me.

Mikdash Me’at — Jewish home.

Mezuzah, Jewish art, Shabbat Candles, Hebrew practice, trope practice, morning and evening prayers all contribute to making our home Jewish. And Mike. Mike brings 36 years as a third generation Jew. His passion for Am Israel and Er Israel is so deep that it permeates every corner of our home. Recognized worldwide as an expert on WWII he has helped museums in Europe and America archive holocaust and WWII artifacts.

With Mike comes a vast education on the enslavement of Jewish children and adults by the German government during WWII. Mike’s grandmother was “arrested” at age eight and used as slave labor until she was liberated from Auschwitz at age eleven. Children were used because of their small hands, when they could no longer do the work they were moved to the extermination camps or simply shot. Mike’s grandmother married an American GI and came to America.

One of the Holocaust survivors used to say, “You are okay in America.” In some ways we are and in lots of ways anti-Semitism is just as prominent in the USA. The USA had Jewish immigration quotas until the 1950’s, in fact FDR left thousands of American Jews stranded in Europe and refused to help them return to the US.

What makes our home Jewish is the people who occupy it and living out the importance of family. When they killed off generations of your people and families, family and home become sacred. Home is where you live your values every day, in the ordinary. Home is where we argue about the practical application of the meaning of “clean”. Our home is where we argue politics. Home is where we feast. Home is laughing. Home is learning. Home is discussing Jewish news, Israeli news, social justice, and anti-Semitism. Home is where the Shabbat naps are the best.

Tikkun Olam — Repair the World

It is my responsibility as a Jewish woman to contribute to repairing the world through social justice work, environmental work, and the work of prayer born out of compassion and kindness. For me that means being very present to the pain of the world. As a retired social worker where the bulk of my career was spent working with families in crisis and sexual assault/incest survivors I was constantly working to heal deep and abiding pain. I held, cried and sang so many gay men and their families (even those who refused to see their dying children) through death. It can be and is deeply grim helping others repair the ugliness of human cruelty. To do this kind of work takes a great faith in Ha-Shem. To do this work and keep balanced means to keep the spark of joy alive in your heart. This is what community prayer and celebration does for me.

This has been a life commitment and goal: to hold all within the arms of compassionate kindness, to speak out against isms, to meet each morning with joy. I was honored in the 1990’s to receive a National Community Service Award from Ellie Wiesel and President Clinton. I was so humbled to meet this amazing survivor who worked so hard to repair the world. I strive to always accept people for who they are and celebrate their unique face and spirit in the flow of universal compassion. We are all a part of bringing kindness and compassion in Judaism and the world.

Torah, T’filah, and Tzedakah

Torah Study

I am madly self-driven. The Rabbi gave me a reading list; I devoured all of them in about a month. I used the bibliography of each book to read more books. Studying Hebrew with Susan challenges me. I was never good at learning languages. I took and still take on line courses on Talmud and am at the very baby stages of learning to study. Rabbi Gould’s course gave me an excellent example of studying and learning about havruta (study partners). This kind of study is what I am working toward. Studying and living the Torah is an ongoing delight. “Therefore impress these My words upon your very heart: bind them as a sign on your hand and let them serve a symbol on your forehead, and teach your children — reciting them when you stay home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you get up;” Deuteronomy 11:18–19

We are all children, no matter what age, studying the words of Torah.

Prayer

“Hear O Israel! The Lord is our G-d, the Lord alone.” Deuteronomy 6:4

I do not pray to change G_d. I do not pray to change others. I pray to change me. I pray to become a better listener and a kinder person. I pray to be a better woman of compassion and always more patient. I love communal prayer and knowing that all over the world Jews, just like me, are rising to sing the Shema and pray the Amidah. I pray the English and then slowly read the Hebrew etching the words into my heart and head. I adore Shabbat morning prayers and services with my community at Temple Beth Abraham and all Jews in synagogues all over the world. It is as our Cantor is always reminding us, a cosmic connection.

Charity

Money is the goat of the ancient times. It feeds others, pays the bills, teaches children to adults, provides luncheons, pays synagogue salaries, contributes to upkeep of the buildings, gets invested for the future, supports causes, and pays for the assembling of community. Paying my dues is the basic form of giving, giving to other funds, and supporting synagogue and school fundraisers is true philanthropy, a gift from the heart. I pay my membership and contribute as my income allows. While I don’t have a lot of income, I give and gave dollars to many organizations over the years. Lots of raffle tickets wrapped around my ample bosom over lots of year.

Gemillut Chassadim (Acts of Loving Kindness) has taken a huge part of my life. I have sat on non-profit boards since I was in my 20’s until two years ago. From anti-poverty programs to anti-violence to state advisory committees to charity boards, I have always given of my time and knowledge and in return learned so much. In the 1980’s and 90’s I spent a lot of my time being the support for Aids victims. As a trained pastoral minister and social worker I held lots of hands, told families of dying sons, held mother’s of dying young sons in my arms. I held men and women as close to me as I could as they faced the pain, stigma, and fear that was my gay community. Hard heart work. The service of caring, loving, and attending the dying, their families, and the dead was a humbling gift of compassion and trust.

Zionism and Israel

My love for Israel began long before my Jewish awareness. I remember watching the movie Exodus as a child and getting so upset that the Jews could not be in their own land. I have become an ardent Zionist and lover of Israel.

As the last fundraiser for the Gan was winding down I asked the Rebbetzin about Israel. Her face glowed with the light of wondrous memories as she spoke about the beauty and distinctive ambiance of the Country of Israel. I care for her, Israel, the eternal home of all Jews. I want to visit Israel before I get much older. I want that same glow as I speak to others about Israel. I believe in the peaceful integration of Israelis and Palestinians. I believe that most of the conflict between these two Semitic cultures is related to colonization by the Persians, Babylonians, Mongolians, Greeks, Romans, and British all who encouraged the instability and division between two peoples who may have different religions but are the same people.

What happened at Chicago Pride this year is an example of the use of Anti-Zionist beliefs of the left is a form of anti-Semitism. There is no room for understanding the diversity of Zionists. Not all Zionists are alike, just as not all Americans are alike. The Anti-Semitism in the GLBT and Leather community is par to the rest of the world. It breaks me sometimes how my community screams openness and acceptance but does not act on this with consistency. What is hard is the obvious anti-Semitism of the left. It makes it difficult as the left looks at anti-Zionism as a staple of of it’s belief. Anti-Zionism becomes the new form of persecution, both from the conservatives and left leaning bigots.

As a Jew, my love for Israel is concrete, important, and filled with hope. While a lot of Jews do not agree with some of the political decisions of Israel, most of us have a deep and abiding love for the land, it’s people, and a place to call our own. While I may not like the politics of Israel, I also don’t like the politics of the United States.

The right of existence does not lessen the responsibility to act with compassion and as Rabbi Hillel said, “”What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation of this — go and study it!”

• Se·mit·ic səˈmidik/adjective
  1. relating to or denoting a family of languages that includes Hebrew, Arabic, and Aramaic and certain ancient languages such as Phoenician and Akkadian, constituting the main subgroup of the Afro-Asiatic family.
  2. relating to the peoples who speak the Semitic languages, especially Hebrew and Arabic.

Deborah Hoffman-Wade, M.Th.,MSW, ICSW, is at heart a Jewish Femme Leather Dyke. Fierce and fabulous, Deborah is Ms. Alameda County Leather 2009. She is past producer of several bay area contests (Mr. San Francisco Leather, Northern California LeatherSir, boy and Bootblack). She was the 2013 San Francisco Leather Alliance Leather Woman of the Year and the 2014 Leather Marshall to the San Francisco Pride Parade. Deborah was a columnist for Lavender Press (MPLS/ST. Paul) and Of A Like Mind (Madison, WI) and writes op/ed for Leatherati.com. She is Co-Author of Partners in Change: Building Collaborations. More important than all the above stuff, she is wife to Schon Wade for going on 29 years and Ma’am to her boy Mike Gelfand. She is also Oscar’s Momma.

Tradition: On Being A Religious Jewish Kinkster was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

NEW HAVEN, CT.

The Mr. Connecticut Leather Contest was held in New Haven on September 9th at 168 York St. Cafe. Two contestants (Pup Data and George) vied for the sash. Pup Data was announced as the winner to a packed bar.

Adjudicating the contest was Scooby Rosman, Mr. Connecticut Leather 2017; Jim “Tug” Taylor, Mr Mid-Atlantic Leather 2005 and Mr. Connecticut Leather 2004; Matt Kenney, Mr. Connecticut Leather 2012; Rick Daley, Northeast Leather Sir 2007; Morgana de Luxe, 2013 Empress of the Imperial Sovereign Court of All Connecticut; Mama Connie Cox; and Tina Landi. Tim White, Mr. Ct. Leather 2011, served as Den Daddy. Michael Mayer was Tallymaster, and Robert “Scruffy” Vitale was assistant Tallymaster. Robert Chandler was the perfect MC for the evening. Lucia Virginty, current reigning Empress of the Imperial Sovereign Court of All Connecticut, provided rousing entertainment.

Joey Goodwin, owner of 168 York St. Cafe, was awarded the inaugural Jayson Scott Leather Sommunity Spirit Award for his service and dedication to our community. The award will be given annually at the Mr. CT Leather Contest.

One of the main highlights of the evening was a moving and heartwarming step-down speech by Scooby Rosman. Scooby spoke elegantly about the leather community as he passed around legos and as members of crowd held lego bricks up in the air. Scooby shared his speech with us at Leatherati for publication:

Thank you for coming out tonight. Not to celebrate me. But to celebrate yourselves. Im going to start my speech with some thank yous first. But while I am thanking people. I am going to pass around these baggies of legos. You might have noticed a lego theme as decoration tonight, and that I have had them at events throughout the year. Please take one and hold on to it.

[Thank you’s to individuals edited out.] And finally, thank you to each of you. Thank you for coming out to events like tonight’s contest, my S4, the bowling fundraiser. Or to play parties, shows, karaoke, beer bashes, dance parties and dinners. Thank you for coming out and being visible. Thank you for supporting events and showing that you care. By coming out to these events, you choose to make a connection with organizations, and support facilities we get to call home, and most importantly, you get to make connection with friends and chosen family.

My main goal while wearing this sash was to bring parts of our community together. In my speech last year, I specifically used the word “Ambassador”. That I wasn’t selected as a leader, a representative, or an all knowing wise man. I aimed to be an ambassador. To bring people together. If I was asked a question and I didn’t know the answer, I would get the questioner in contact with the person who did. I wanted to be an ambassador, to welcome new and inexperienced people into the BDSM community.

I never did this by being the person with the biggest mouth, the best body or the flattest abdominal muscles nor did I do this by being the funniest person in the room, or being the biggest party animal.

You don’t get to connect with people by being the proverbial “mean girl”, by throwing the heaviest flogger, or the best looking. You connect with people by getting to know them. You connect with people by talking with them. By finding out what motivates them. By finding out why they came into the community. By finding out what keeps them active. You bring more people into your community not by showing how extreme you are or how wild or how piggy you can be. Its great if you ARE extreme or wild or piggy. I know I am myself. But that’s not how you grow the community.

Of everything I did in the past year, there is one thing that stands out in my mind that I am most proud about. This year has not been about how many miles I traveled or how much money we raised for charity. It not about how many events we held, or how many times this sash cock blocked me from hooking up in a back room, not about how I placed at IML, or even about the personal growth I had this year.

The one thing I am most proud about, is that I get to say WE. WE had a food drive for the Downtown Evening Soup Kitchen. WE raised hundreds of dollars for GLSEN. WE went bowling. WE sang duets with the Imperial Court. WE showed a newbie what kink was for the first time. WE came together to do things. And when I say WE, it was more then just leather people. Our events this year, had gay participants and hetero participants. Men and Women, Young and old. We had experienced kinksters and people new to the scene. We welcomed anyone with a positive attitude. WE MADE CONNECTIONS!

This is where the legos in your hand come into play. At IML, each person needs to have a speech ready in case he makes the top 20. While I didn’t make the top 20, I still had my speech ready. Since I didn’t get to say it there, all of you get to hear what I was going to say. On the IML stage I would get 90 seconds. But because I’m the one wearing this sash, at least for the next few minutes, I’m going to modify it a little since I have no time limit.

Legos are one of the best toys ever invented. Small little bricks snapped together in infinite combinations. The piece can be red, blue, green or yellow. It can have one hole, two holes, or six holes. They all manage to connect.

One brick alone though is not fun. They only work when you can connect multiple pieces together and build them into something larger.

The same magic we find in legos, we find in our own leather community. A lego building is not as much fun if it is all one color or one size. And neither are we if we do develop and nurture connections with others. It may be connections with our leather and fetish brothers and sisters. Or it may be moments we share with others from the drag, bear, trans, or pansexual communities.

Whether it’s over drinks or in dungeons, in bootblack chairs or in bedrooms, whether they last five minutes in the dark corner of a bar or they end at the wedding alter. These connections we make are the life force that sustain our alphabet community. Our connections demonstrate the passion, empathy and respect that the leather lifestyle brings to our daily lives. They are what allow us to add more lego bricks to our multi colored structure; strengthening and reinforcing our foundations; while simultaneously emboldening us to build structures that are higher and bigger, to build bridges, and not walls

There are many songs that use the word Connect in them. From the musical “RENT” they were trying to make “Connection. In an isolating age…..”

And of course, Kermit sang, “One day we’ll find it, the rainbow connection, the dreamers, the lovers, and me…”

But there is a line from the musical Sondheim musical “Assassins” which I think could personify our leather and fetish community. Quote “If you think you can’t connect, connect with us.” Now get out there and be a lego.

Thank you for allowing me to be your ambassador for the past year. When you go home, look at the lego that is in your hand, and let it be a reminder to go out and connect with someone else. Thank you for connecting with me over the past year. Please connect with whoever the next person to wear this sash is. And most importantly, connect with each other. Connect with your community. There is a lot in our current world that tries to divide us. But there is much more out there that will connect us.

Scooby Rosman Steps Down with Heartwarming Speech, new Mr. CT Leather 2018 Announced was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

by Cleo Dubois

A Slave, A Leatherman, A Fetishist/Slut, A French Maid and A Witness

A Slave, A Leatherman, A Fetishist/Slut, A French Maid and A Witness was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

By Rooks

Leather Mosaic was originally published in Leatherati Online on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.